HALONA HILBERTZ

Monthly Art under $100: March 2012.

2012-03-03T12:33:00.012-05:00

March's Piece: $50.
Tearsometer Made in Germany
(Device for Measuring the Power of Tears)
Wall Object. Acrylic and paper collage on wood, cast resin. 9.75" high.
2012. SOLD

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Shannon Miller, March 2012

2012-03-03T12:32:00.002-05:00

"Wrapped & Painted" is back home after being shown at the WAH Center Salon Show.

2012-02-21T10:20:00.002-05:00

Mail Art: Shannon Miller to Halona Hilbertz, February 2012

2012-02-12T21:03:00.002-05:00

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Kim Dawn, February 2012

2012-02-12T21:02:00.002-05:00

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Gail Mitchell, February 2012

2012-02-12T20:52:00.001-05:00

Monthly Art under $100: February 2012.

2012-02-06T23:39:00.003-05:00

February's Piece: $50.
Dinosaur Bird Rising.
Acrylic on Natural Clay. 5" high.
2012.

While Translating an Art Catalog Essay...

2012-02-04T10:01:00.005-05:00

...for my friend Arvid Boecker's current show "take your time" at the Staedtische Galerie Neunkirchen, Germany, I was doing some research on Concrete Art and stumbled upon this expression by Theo van Doesburg: "JEDES BILD IST EIN FARBGEDANKE."..."Every Picture is a Color Thought". Wonderful.

In this vein, below a watercolor by Hopper from a few days ago. Oh, to paint like a child again! (His watercolors remind me a lot of Kandinsky.) Btw, the double curved red shape in the upper right corner is a bridge, the blue shape in the bottom right corner is a train...

I recently made a 9-minute-video of Hopper painting 1 watercolor, from start to finish. Watching it later, it was absolutely STRIKING how much unhindered, encouraged art-making does for a child...you can literally WATCH while his self-confidence grows with every brushstroke, every decision. You can see in his concentration his own consciousness that every flick of his wrist has consequences for the picture. You see the delight he takes in the artwork that is uniquely his OWN.

I see a toddler's frustrations with hearing "no" or "be careful" or "not now, later" every day. As normal as a toddler's frequent sense of powerlessness is, ART is where he can have total control and total power, in the very best sense.

I just watched part of a documentary, "I Remember Better When I Paint". It is about programs that help patients with Alzheimer's through involving them with art, be it making art, or looking at & talking about art at the Louvre and other high art institutions. One professional said something that made SO much sense to me: Art has nothing to do with short term memory, so when people with Alzheimer's talk about a piece of art, they get involved in a different way than their everyday life enables them to. Their whole person, with all their stored long-term memories, that whole person that usually seems in retreat, emerges.

Isn't this the best thing about good art, about any kind of culture? That it reflects us as humans, that we can reflect back on it, that it binds us together across all kinds of borders? I think art is especially important for the very young and the very old...

Monthly Art under $100: January 2012.

2012-01-07T15:36:00.003-05:00

January's Piece: $95.
Deciding Factor.
Acrylic on Natural Clay. 5" high x 7.5" wide x 3" deep.
2012.

This month's piece was inspired by a recent trip to the Willem de Kooning retrospective at MoMA. At a friend's small foundry, de Kooning produced some small bronzes for the first time in his life when he must have been - if I remember correctly - well in his 60s. Prior to this visit, I had really only been familiar with his "Woman" oils, which I did not like particularly. There is a sensitive brutality in his sculptures; they are "painted" with a finely tuned, but general, "wide brushstroke" that appeals to me very much. I feel a breathing body's forces, its struggles, its beauty and ugliness, its will to live in de Kooning's sculptural shapes. His sculpture has helped me view his paintings in a new light.

For some reason I envision "Deciding Factor" in a bookcase. It is pictured in ours, next to a clay bear by my grandmother and below watercolors by my two-and-a-half-year-old son. I swear it is pure coincidence that a de Kooning book is on that shelf!

Mail Art: Kim Dawn to Halona Hilbertz, January 2012

2012-01-07T15:33:00.002-05:00

Monthly Art under $100: December 2011

2011-12-03T16:36:00.003-05:00

December's Piece: $40.
I Don't Know.
Watercolor on Paper. 5" x 7".
2011.

I photograph where I can...

2011-12-03T16:35:00.003-05:00

...late afternoon, I still have some light in the kitchen.

Monthly Art under $100: November 2011

2011-11-01T18:58:00.003-04:00

November's Piece: $60. SOLD
Two Hands Holding Stone (Wall Object).
Cast Resin, Beeswax. 2 1/4" high x 5" wide x 2 1/4" deep.
2011.

Mail Art: Gail Mitchell to Halona Hilbertz, October 2011

2011-10-25T16:10:00.002-04:00

I love how the last mail art I sent to Gail echos in her piece back to me!

Mail Art: Kim Dawn to Halona Hilbertz, October 2011

2011-10-25T15:59:00.004-04:00

This mail art is best viewed when you click on the first page and read the letter as a larger slideshow!

Monthly Art under $100: October 2011

2011-10-07T17:39:00.004-04:00

October's Piece: $50.
Golden Couple (Life is Messy).
Acrylic on partial record cover. 9 5/8" high x 8 1/2" wide.
2011.

The image was taken from the 1959 vinyl record cover "When We Were Young: The Voices of Walter Schumann", found among other records a few weeks ago with some of my bandmates on our walk home from rehearsal. Songs are: "Charmaine - Ramona - Always - Speak to me of Love - Girl of my Dreams - Would You" on side A and "Falling in Love with Love - Together - I'll See You Again - In a Little Spanish Town - While We're Young - Memories" on Side B.

My Digitized Sketchbook 2010-2011

2011-09-16T16:39:00.005-04:00

http://www.arthousecoop.com/library/5285
...Browse...!
I did my utmost to not become too self-conscious, knowing this particular sketchbook would go public in The Sketchbook Project (I detest pretentious sketchbooks)...

Monthly Art under $100: September

2011-09-06T14:51:00.004-04:00

September's Piece: $40. SOLD
Don't Ask Me Why, I just Wanted To (Wall Object).
Acrylic on wood. 3 3/4" high.
2011.

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Gail Mitchell, September 2011

2011-09-06T14:44:00.003-04:00

This postcard employs two broken pieces of my trusty sewing machine, which was given to me by Gail years ago. I recently had these parts replaced for an amount of money that would have bought me a new machine, but I believe in, and love, those sturdy, wise, old tools that - overall - know how to survive me.

Mail Art: Gail Mitchell to Halona Hilbertz, August 2011

2011-09-02T17:26:00.003-04:00

And again I had the impulse to open this, but it's not to be opened! This is one of the chips bags we bandmates buy along with beers after rehearsal...stuffed with foam core, and with a ticket stub and stamps added.

Monthly Art under $100: August 2011

2011-08-06T18:25:00.008-04:00

August's Piece: $40. SOLD
Stone, Bark, Red (Wall Object).

Stone, acrylic, wood. 4 3/4" high.
2011.

Monthly Art under $100: July 2011

2011-06-28T18:26:00.006-04:00

July's Piece: $85. GIFT.
Sleep (Wall Object).

Acrylic on polymer clay, wood. 3 3/8" high x 4"wide x 2 7/8" deep.
2011.

Monthly Art under $100: June 2011

2011-06-03T19:37:00.004-04:00

June's Piece: $60. SOLD
Pearly Green Bird Head.

Acrylic on polymer clay. 5.25" high x 5"wide x 3" deep.
2011.

Monthly Art under $100: May 2011

2011-05-10T20:38:00.003-04:00

May's Piece: $40.
Coniferous and Deciduous.

Watercolor on paper. 9 x 12".
2011.

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Gail Mitchell, May 2011

2011-05-10T20:31:00.003-04:00

The line drawing is based on my son. The chewing gum wrappers hold a specific significance that harkens back to the guitar my brother custom-made, and gave Gail for her birthday. All of us are in a band together.

Mail Art: Gail Mitchell to Halona Hilbertz, May 2011

2011-05-10T20:29:00.001-04:00

Love the call-and-response in this piece, how it answers the piece I sent preceding it. And just its pure aesthetics. The child's writing, of course, stirs my heart.

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Shannon Miller, May 2011

2011-05-10T20:25:00.003-04:00

"N.Y.C......PLEAD GUILTY": my comment to a friend who is leaving New York for a few years and will be missed. Parts are derived from a N.Y.C. parking ticket.

Mail Art: Shannon Miller to Halona Hilbertz, May 2011

2011-05-10T20:23:00.003-04:00

...love the combo Happy All-American Kid Face & bold words...

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Gail Mitchell, April 2011

2011-04-18T00:59:00.007-04:00

Part of Gail's last mail art piece was a little sticker that read, "Do not rework'. So I sent her back that motto in big (hand-made wood block) letters, printed on a list of measurement conversions....also with holes punched in, and laced up irregularly with string...all components that are reminiscent of Gail's way of artmaking.

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Kim Dawn, April 2011

2011-04-17T22:42:00.006-04:00

In response to Kim's newest mailing, which employed a perforated paper label sheet, I used a sheet of sticky address labels with similar dimensions. I folded it in half; remove the stickers; cut out the "Avery" logos; double-sewed around the edges of the cut-outs & the outer edges. Here is this piece of Mail Art, A) hung against my studio window, allowing the light to come through the double-sided cut-outs & B) rolled up, as I stuffed it into the envelope.

Mail Art: Kim Dawn to Halona Hilbertz, April 2011

2011-04-17T22:26:00.002-04:00

Kim's newest mail with 3 details of the delicate pencil/watercolor images.

3 Brooklyn Views From My New Studio...

2011-04-13T22:40:00.002-04:00

...which will go to the Charity Auction for the Relief of Japan, Friday, April 15, 5 - 9pm, at Salmagundi, 47 Fifth Avenue at 12th Street, New York NY. All proceeds will go to the Red Cross.

Mail Art: Gail Mitchell to Halona Hilbertz, April 2011

2011-04-13T22:32:00.004-04:00

Ha....I automatically thought I should "open"this one...that it was an "envelope"...until I had second thoughts while opening the little clamp; and then realizing, while photographing it, just how much it looks like Gail's paintings...homogeneous, done.

Mail Art: Kim Dawn to Halona Hilbertz, April 2011

2011-04-13T22:27:00.002-04:00

Very nice...I don't remember saying this at all...

Monthly Art under $100: April 2011

2011-04-08T18:49:00.003-04:00

April's Piece: $60.
Arm Over Brooklyn.

Pencil, watercolor, photo collage on paper. 9 x 12".
2011.

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Shannon Miller, April 2011

2011-04-08T18:47:00.002-04:00

Mail Art: Shannon Miller to Halona Hilbertz, March 2011

2011-03-15T16:19:00.001-04:00

Love the umbrella and goggles, symbols of protection...

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Gail Mitchell, March 2011

2011-03-06T15:03:00.002-05:00

Mail Art: Gail Mitchell to Halona Hilbertz, March 2011

2011-03-06T15:02:00.002-05:00

New Mini Series! Mail Art: Gail Mitchell to Halona Hilbertz, Feb. 2011

2011-03-06T14:55:00.004-05:00

Third and last Mail Art Partner to this Blog is great friend & artist Gail Mitchell. Interesting, because all 3 Mail Art "correspondents" have such different approaches to making art. I'm always curious to see what they tickle out of me, and vice versa.

Monthly Art under $100: March 2011

2011-03-01T23:04:00.005-05:00

March's Piece: $90.
Bird with Speckled Chest. (Wall Object)

Polymer Clay, acrylic. 9" high.
2011.

THINGS I MAKE

2011-02-26T17:45:00.008-05:00

...that are not "Art", but items for everyday use, made for special people in my life. FTTB: Quilt for my niece; Pillow for a friend, front & back; Pillow for my mother, front & back; stuffed animal for my son; winter curtain for my son.

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Shannon Miller, Feb. 2011

2011-02-26T17:44:00.005-05:00

Mail Art: Shannon Miller to Halona Hilbertz, Feb. 2011

2011-02-26T17:44:00.004-05:00

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Kim Dawn, Feb. 2011

2011-02-26T17:38:00.005-05:00

"I'm Watching You" - 9.5 x 6.25"

Mail Art: Kim Dawn to Halona Hilbertz, Feb. 2011

2011-02-20T14:28:00.003-05:00

Kim's response: construction paper and strips of photo as well, but with drawings and writing added; and clear tape to hold down the photo pieces. Head - torso - legs. Verrrrrry nice. (At bottom: the back of the envelope.)

Monthly Art under $100: February 2011

2011-01-29T15:57:00.004-05:00

February's Piece: $40. SOLD
Wonder Woman NYC.

Paper collage. 8" x 5.25".
2011.

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Shannon Miller, Jan. 2011

2011-01-29T15:50:00.004-05:00

This collage employs 3 cut-outs from the "Hunky Men" 2009 calendar, 2 from the "Wonder Woman" 2010 calendar, 1 from the "Sinful Women" 2011 calendar; 2 cut-outs from January 2011 "Art + Auction" magazine, and 2 from the current NYC subway map.

Another New Mini Series! - Mail Art: Shannon Miller to Halona Hilbertz, Jan. 2011

2011-01-23T15:12:00.004-05:00

I am very excited to add another Mail Art Mini Series to this blog, with artist Shannon Miller. Here is Shannon's first batch of thick, sensuous, neat postcards which I received yesterday. Of course I love the usage of NYC maps. Let's see what my response will be...

Monthly Art under $100: January

2011-01-09T11:45:00.003-05:00

January's Piece: $20.
Man in the Moon.

Paper collage, glitter. 5 7/8" x 5 3/4".
2011.

Mail Art: Halona Hilbertz to Kim Dawn, Jan. 1, 2011

2011-01-02T14:54:00.012-05:00

These collages employ a photograph taken of my son by Birgit Krippner, gifted photographer & friend in New Zealand (www.birgitkrippner.com)...this specific photo is very dear to me. My collages have to do with observing how a baby starts making sense of his or her senses...and started with the pink paper I chose in response to the sensuality I saw in Kim Dawn's "Here I go" watercolor, shown in the previous blog (note eye and mouth in Kim's piece!).

New Mini Series! - Mail Art: Kim Dawn to Halona Hilbertz, Dec. 2010

2011-01-02T14:43:00.012-05:00

Kim Dawn, a wonderful artist & friend I met years ago at the Nova Scotia College of Art & Design in Halifax, asked if I wanted to repeat something we did when we moved apart: send Mail Art to each other. I love the surprising, impromptu back and forth of such an exchange; observing how the other's art informs one's own; having fun sending little pieces on their first travels. I asked Kim in turn if I could post the outcome on my blog...and here goes with Kim's first mail to me!

Monthly Art under $100: December

2010-12-02T14:52:00.004-05:00

December's Piece: $90. SOLD
Boy with Starry Eyes.

Polymer Clay, Acrylic. 4.75" high.
2010.

Just finished: "Oil & Glitter"

2010-11-09T15:37:00.010-05:00

Oil & Glitter 1 (SOLD)
Oil and glitter on canvas
12 x 12 x 1.5" deep
2010

Oil & Glitter 2 (SOLD)
Oil and glitter on canvas
12 x 12 x 1.5" deep
2010

I'm quite content with them...thick strands of still-wet oil lay side by side. Each strand tries to define its own territory; nevertheless, a lot of mingling takes place. Occasional rude interruptions by splotches of other color, or an aggressive brushstroke. A few small fields open up to glitter, which acts like a flaw on the thickly masqueraded surface.

Cat Litter Cats

2010-11-09T15:34:00.004-05:00

Cat Litter Cats
Collage
38" high, 25" widest point
2010

Monthly Art under $100: November

2010-11-01T00:03:00.004-04:00

November's Piece: $25. SOLD
We Finance the Art Co.

Collage on Paper. 8" x 5.75".
2010.

Sketchbook...

2010-10-26T00:25:00.005-04:00

My current Sketchbook (fresh excerpts from October 24 below) will participate in The Sketchbook Project. Before entering the permanent collection of the Brooklyn Art Library along with many other interesting sketchbooks, it will next year tour the following cities: Brooklyn, NY; Austin, TX; San Francisco, CA; Portland, ME; Atlanta, GA; Chicago, IL; Washington, DC; Winter Park, FL; and Seattle, WA. Should you be in any of these cities and want to browse an original sketchbook by me, visit My Little Book! It's currently traveling in my bag, with me at all times, even when I am quietly ignoring it...it knows what's going on. Details to follow.

Monthly Art under $100: October 2010

2010-10-08T19:19:00.004-04:00

October's Piece: $60. SOLD
Der Tod und das Maedchen (Death and the Girl).

Polymer Clay, Acrylic. 3.25 x 3.75" x 3" deep.
2010.

Monthly Art under $100: September 2010

2010-09-06T20:56:00.005-04:00

September's Piece: $40. SOLD
Pool in Tuscany.

Watercolor on Paper. 8" x 12".
2010.

Monthly Art under $100: August 2010

2010-07-31T09:33:00.006-04:00

August's Piece: $50. SOLD
Little Yellow Red Blue (Wall Object).

Polymer Clay, Acrylic. 2.25" high x 4.75" wide x 2.5" deep.
2010.

Monthly Art under $100: July 2010

2010-06-29T19:12:00.006-04:00

July's Piece: $50. SOLD
Mini Wax-Feather-Wood Head (Wall Object).

Cast beeswax, turkey feather, wood, pins. 10" high.
2010.

Hopper Walking (Poem)

2010-06-29T17:31:00.009-04:00

The Big Little One
looms too large to be seen.
In his dreams,
he will swerve, will careen
down the mountainside
in the Spring, in the snow,
happiness and pride
up on top, his feet down below.

More Watercolors from Milanville

2010-06-01T16:40:00.004-04:00

Monthly Art under $100: June 2010.

2010-06-01T13:38:00.009-04:00

June's Piece: $40.
Schmuh at Dusk in Milanville.

Watercolor on Paper. 9" x 12".
2010.

Monthly Art under $100: May 2010.

2010-04-30T18:09:00.004-04:00

May's Piece: $90. SOLD
Flying Bird. (Wall Figure)

Polymer Clay, Epoxy, Acrylic. 7" x 7" x 5" deep.
2010.

Monthly Art under $100: April 2010.

2010-04-03T20:46:00.006-04:00

April's Piece: $95. SOLD
Trio. (Wall Figure)

Polymer Clay, Cast Resin, Epoxy, Acrylic. 8.25" high. 2010.

"Artist Statement"

2010-03-31T10:49:00.011-04:00

Some things my art is about -

Desire and Yearning; Empathy; Love and Hate; Fear and Vulnerability; Pain and Beauty; Death and Renewal; Humankind / Other Animals / God / Nature; The Individual versus The Whole; Conscious and Sub-Conscious Thoughts; Conscious and Sub-Conscious Feelings. Mystery / Movement /Dance / Standstill. Simultaneous Youth and Old Age: Wisdom, or the Pursuit of it. The Radicalness of this Pursuit of Wisdom.

All the while aiming to create something Irresistible.

More "Rooted and Thorned"

2010-03-31T10:41:00.010-04:00

Some associations people have had seeing "Rooted and Thorned":

- Cactus. Thorned to protect its fleshy, vulnerable interior.

- Kapok Tree. A tall tree with big spikes on its trunk.

- Wing Chun Wooden Dummy. A device used in training.

- Fertility/Motherhood. The "horns" representing boobs.

Freestanding Figure "Rooted and Thorned"

2010-03-28T16:56:00.005-04:00

& Hopper gallerysitting at the Williamsburg Art & Historical Center:

Monthly Art under $100: March 2010.

2010-02-28T23:48:00.004-05:00

March's Piece: $60.

Horn with Spikes. (Wall Object)

Canvas, Thread, Polymer Clay, Acrylic, Polyester Stuffing. 4" high x 4.25" wide x 6.75" deep. 2010.

Quick Glance into the Studio

2010-02-27T20:43:00.001-05:00

...by candlelight

Living With Art...

2010-02-27T20:20:00.006-05:00

Art causes my life to change and shift all the time. Sometimes this is manifested simply by a swell in the dialogue that takes place between myself and the physical items surrounding me. Here, Sitter (Yellow Ochre) from 2007 sits in front of a butternut squash and salt and pepper shakers in my kitchen. I moved Sitter from its usual place in my bookcase to this location because of the squash's color, of course. If instead of warm ochre tones, the dominant colors in the scene were cool blue and grey hues, I could almost see a Morandi here...

Poem

2010-02-14T10:17:00.004-05:00

This Fear Doll:
Rock this Fear to sleep
Sing a Lullaby
for this Fear.

Then, when Fear is asleep,
gently kill this Fear -
gently,
gently.

Monthly Art under $100: February 2010

2010-01-31T22:59:00.006-05:00

February's Piece: $60. SOLD

Small Devil Figure. (Wall Figure)

Polymer Clay, Acrylic. 7.25" high. 2010.

Self with Blue Lips and Blue-Haired Doll - #3 of 12

2010-01-31T22:58:00.002-05:00

Essay: On Performance Art, Getting Older, and Motherhood.

2010-01-31T22:49:00.008-05:00

If I were the reckless performance artist I used to be, in recent months I would have done a very weird performance involving motherhood, breastfeeding and alcohol. The bare bones of this performance would have been this:

1. I drink 2 or 3 cocktails, in the company of people picked randomly from the audience, who are served the drink of their choice.

2. I use an electronic breast pump to pump breast milk.

3. I drink the pumped breast milk while telling of a joke my partner and I have regarding selling alcohol-infused breast milk to “twisted” men on the black market for lots of money, to fund our son’s college education.

Now. Before you say: “How gory! How sensationalist! How very, very exhibitionist!”, consider my thoughts.

When I moved to New York from Germany in 1996, I noticed a particularly American focus on, you could also call it obsession with, the female breast. Not just in places where you might expect such a thing, but in everyday life. Female news anchors for example seemed to have the perfect, yet immobile bust. Coming from Germany, I was used to mainstream magazine covers showing naked women, particularly their breasts (“Stern” magazine, “Bild” newspaper), or the magazines offering to teenagers sexual advice and tips on coping with life, school and romance, and featuring centerfolds of half-naked boy and girl teens involved in heavy “petting” (“Bravo” magazine). I was used to naked bathers around German lakes, and naked sunbathers in German urban parks.

But here in the US, artificially enhanced breasts – whether merely enhanced through padded bras, or enhanced in more drastic ways – breasts that don’t move, don’t wiggle, don’t “flow”, were new to me. The “perfect” breast seemed an integral part of how the female human body – indeed “the female” per se – was depicted in the US mass media. Pair this de-naturalizing of one body part with a certain American penchant for prudery, come all the way down through the centuries from Puritans and other morally rather opinionated groups, and you have the potential for an obsession, fueled through secrecy and tabooism.

I recently heard snippets of an interview with Nigella Lawson on NPR. She mentioned a theory that the aroma of vanilla pleases the senses so because breast milk has a similar taste. The male interviewer’s response was one of slight disgust, pushing the thought far from his own self and intellectual curiosity. I – at the moment a breastfeeding mother – was a bit shocked. His reaction seemed so unnatural, even respectless. I had the impression that the interviewer reacted in such a way because he thought it would be expected of him, supposedly maintaining a minimum of male decorum. Because, had he reacted in any understanding, empathetic or even vaguely interested manner, there would have been an immediate link to his personal sexuality, a no-no for any serious radio journalist. And that’s what’s so odd: Why should the most basic food of humankind, the earliest food a human receives, be associated with a personal adult sexuality reaching beyond that archaic bond between a mother and a child? I think the answer is simple: breasts have become utterly and completely, probably irreversibly sexualized and objectified in our culture.

Breasts are indeed fascinating things. The first source of food after birth, plump soft graspable functional structures with bull’s eye targets in their color scheme. I’m always surprised when people joke that boy babies’ nursing habits will inevitably create a lifelong attraction to the female breast, as though this were somehow to the exclusion of girl babies. I for one have always been interested in breasts. As a child they seemed to me, along with her brain, the seat of a woman’s power. They were mysterious and uniquely female. I couldn’t wait to have them. At 6 years of age, my girlfriend and I would place oranges in the teenager’s bra I inherited from a family friend, wear the bra under a t-shirt, and strut down the empty hot Texan sidewalk in as sexy a walk as we could possibly muster, swinging our hips lasciviously to show off our non-existent waist, practicing for the future that wielding of non-verbal power alone through movement of our bodily assets.(To this day I consider body movement most important in attractivity.)

One of the many discoveries of motherhood is finally understanding, through one’s own body, what breasts are primarily here for. Learning to nurse can be easy, straightforward, intuitive; or difficult, frustrating, impossible; or somewhere in between.

Also through the experience of becoming a mother, I developed a personal theory that the firmed-up, taut, balloon-like breasts, not unlike flotation devices, which one can frequently see in porn or in the surgically altered bodies of reality tv participants, are reminiscent of a pregnant or nursing woman’s engorged breasts. Previously, I had no such associations; I thought it was purely about the “perfect” round shape…it’s ironic, considering engorgement of breasts is unpleasant and painful; the breasts seem to cry out for relief from the suckling baby. Here, in our modern western society, we still come across the ur-markers of attraction that signal fertility…

But back to my imagined performance. For me, performance art is defined by the use of the artist’s self - utilizing mind and body - within a declared, limited time. It is fitting that the notion of doing a performance art piece after a 12-year pause entered my head just when I became a mother. Becoming a parent is surely one of life’s biggest changes; for a mother, the potential for huge bodily transformations is undeniable. - The difference between now and 12 years ago, however, is that even outside of motherhood, my life in its basic “set-up” has changed. All those years ago, I was young and still discovering what it meant to be Halona Hilbertz; I was still making my (granted, inexpensive) living primarily off my art. I still found the performance art surrounding me in Europe exciting. I felt I had some things to say that could only be said in this medium; I had the energy to create non-repeatable pieces that took so much out of me psychologically that I would only do a performance every couple of months. And I did not have a day-job that seems to demand a certain minimum of propriety, especially pertaining to the instrument my body represents. (This last point becomes especially valid in today’s age of world wide web, facebook, and readily available information on just about anything and anybody.)

But most importantly – and underlying every one of these factors – I was less guarded 12 years ago. I had no need to protect myself from what people outside my tight-knit, artistic circle thought and said about me. And so a mature life becomes more complex and more concerned with various factors. Maybe this is part of a parent’s role, too: to supply the careful, introspective, forward-looking perspective to the here-and-now child. Maybe all is good with a parent who actually worries about situations that present themselves, in order to find solutions; instead of wiping problems away with the buoyant youth's wave of a hand.

Years ago I realized that there were many young performance artists - but not many older ones. This could just stem from the old cliche that putting oneself on a stage for everyone to see is the act of an exhibitionist; and exhibitionism as a means of exploring oneself is something many people outgrow with age. People like to apply this cliche to performance art more than to the heavily structured and storied worlds of theater and live music. Performance art is defined by its almost complete freedom from rules and standards, and is harder to judge. The viewer of a performance art piece must primarily rely on his or her own impressions, and can easily feel helpless, even resentful at not knowing "what to say" or "how to react". So, in addition to the lack of the exhibitionist, adventurous, brazen, self-centered qualities of youth, I believe it is this difficulty on the side of the viewers that becomes harder to deal with for older artists, who are more guarded – as I am. If it is, or was ever, true that performance artists are today’s shamans - employing ritual, mystery, and freedom for beneficial effects on viewers - then the role of today’s shamans has surely shifted…

The 1-2-3 performance I imagined would address my (and many other mothers’) ambivalence at becoming pregnant and giving up so-called “freedoms” - for example, the freedom of partying and drinking alcohol. It would address new-found functions a body can fulfill – like breastfeeding. It would address complexities that help make a multi-faceted life work – pumping when away from the baby, working a job. It would address the new social patterns that many new parents enter – sharing a drink with audience members I may or may not know. It would address personal discoveries of how procreation affects the sense of self and sexuality; of how these are seen in the public realm; of what is considered “odd”, “perverse”, “taboo”, or conversely “natural”. It would also address issues of getting older and more careful, such as my financial fears grabbing into the future, so new and surprising to me.

It would also be just plain weird. Maybe too weird for the older, more guarded Halona Hilbertz to want to deal with possible reactions and criticisms. She is the one who hopes she is finally learning to pick her battles, so as to feel less torn between the various roles she plays.

Hopper Sleeping With Binky

2010-01-31T22:48:00.002-05:00

Monthly Art under $100: January 2010

2010-01-03T14:25:00.005-05:00

January's Piece: $88.

Black Doll 2. (Wall Doll)

Polymer Clay, Fabric, Acrylic, Polyester Stuffing. 14" high. 2010.

Love those Glitter Pens bought at the Drugstore...

2010-01-03T14:06:00.012-05:00

Had fun making a painting befitting the New Year: Baby.
Glitter Pens & Watercolor on Canvas. 9 x 12". 2010

Monthly Art under $100: December 2009

2009-12-01T13:50:00.008-05:00

December's Piece: $88. SOLD

Duck. (Wall Doll)

Polymer Clay, Fabric, Fur, Acrylic, Polyester Stuffing. 11.5" high. 2009.

Mammals (at Home) in Repose

2009-11-29T23:31:00.003-05:00

Monthly Art under $100: November 2009

2009-10-31T20:51:00.009-04:00

November's Piece: $50. (SOLD)

Small Black Glitter Bust. (Wall Object)

Polymer Clay, Glitter, Acrylic. 4.75" high. 2009.

A deep vertical indentation runs the length of this figure's chest.

What I'm Working On Right Now: FIGURESCAPE, and some Thoughts about it

2009-10-27T11:51:00.007-04:00

1. I'm currently allowing more obvious evidence of the handmade process in my pieces; allowing a slightly more "crude" look. I find that in today's world, where so much is created by pressing buttons or touching screens - or by an industrialized, machinated process - the TRACES that a warm human body working on an item leaves on it are scare, and more attractive than ever. They evidence a single human's body, intention, thoughts, soul behind making that object. In a sense, the traces bring art down to a one-on-one communication level between me (artist) and you (viewer). Away from context, concept, smooth mass production, smooth mass technology.

2. I'm also occasionally using DISCARDED manufactured or FOUND natural pieces in my objects: a piece of an old chair leg, scrap wood, a piece of wire, a stone.

Both 1 and 2 have an input, a SAY of their OWN in my creative process and the result. Maybe I'm working this way because I'm increasingly conscious of the fact that you can't control everything in life. Sometimes you have to take a step back and allow influences not under your control to take their effect...

SKETCHBOOK

2009-10-03T15:55:00.007-04:00

Monthly Art under $100 (previously The Sinfully Cheaps Section).

2009-10-01T23:08:00.003-04:00

October's Piece: $95.

Cat Sitting in the Grass on a Sunny Day. (Wall Doll)

Cast Resin, Felt, Fabric, Acrylic, Polyester Stuffing. 7 x 9.5". 2009.

Glitter Paintings 1 through 4

2009-09-30T23:39:00.005-04:00

Glitter and Acrylic on Canvas. 12 x 12" each. 2009.

Glitter Cats 1 through 3

2009-09-27T11:36:00.006-04:00

Glitter on Cardstock. 11 x 8.5" each. 2009.

LAST SINFULLY CHEAPS: SEPTEMBER

2009-09-01T19:12:00.007-04:00

September's $10 Piece: SOLD

Little Bust. (Wall Object)

Cast Resin, Polymer Clay, Acrylic. 4.75" high. 2009.

September's $50 Piece: SOLD

Floating. (Wall Doll)

Cast Resin, Felt, Acrylic, Polyester Stuffing. 5.5 x 8". 2009.

September's $100 Piece:

Children's Wall Doll.

Felt, Thread, Polyester Stuffing, Acrylic, Silicone. 16" high. 2002.

Yet More Daily Baby...it's addictive

2009-08-28T14:01:00.004-04:00

...I like the open quality on the right side of this drawing, it's as though he's slipping off into the vast openness of Dreamland.

More Daily Baby Drawings

2009-08-26T17:07:00.002-04:00

Daily Drawings

2009-08-14T21:35:00.005-04:00

My mom studied sculpture at the Hochschule der Bildenden Kuenste Berlin. Having her first child while still at school, she started drawing my oldest brother Kai when he was an infant. Many drawings of Kai, our brother Derrick, and myself followed, ranging from infanthood to maybe 10 years old.

Following in her footsteps, I am aiming to make one drawing daily of my two-month-old son Hopper. Now I understand why so many of those drawings are of us asleep...children squiggle & squirm & move. Being somewhat rusty in the drawing department, it's good to practice again, while getting a good long look at this new little person.

SINFULLY CHEAP AUGUST

2009-08-02T17:57:00.007-04:00

August's $10 Piece:

Stick-Legged Woman.

Pencil and Colored Pencil on Paper. 11.75 x 9.75". 1998.

August's $50 Piece:

Model Anna.

Oil on Canvas. 8 x 6". 1997.

August's $100 Piece: SOLD

Cactus Figure.

Clay, Acrylic. 6"high. 2008.

Finished "Wolf And Red Presence".

2009-07-31T16:54:00.008-04:00

Shown back in my February 23 blog, this small painting (8 x 10") now got what I felt it needed: a red something, abstract but also oddly corporeal, a presence. A tumbleweed, a burning bush, a spirit? Red glitter explodes softly. The wolf, having happened upon it, looks on. (SOLD)

This is Why It's Wonderful to be in a Relationship with Another Artist.

2009-07-29T17:38:00.003-04:00

Finished "Zombie in Glitterland 3".

2009-07-16T16:34:00.002-04:00

SINFULLY CHEAP JULY

2009-07-01T18:45:00.011-04:00

July's $10 Piece:

Untitled (Alert Cat from behind).

Pencil on Paper. 8.5 x 11". 2000.

July's $50 Piece: SOLD

Big Hands.

Acrylic on Canvas. 6 x 8". 1997.

July's $100 Piece:

Gold Baby.

Fabric, Down, Thread, Silicone, Acrylic. 25" high. 2001.

SINFULLY CHEAP JUNE.

2009-06-01T23:13:00.015-04:00

June's $10 Piece:
Begging Dog.

Acrylic, Felt Tip Pen, Glitter on Paper. 9 x 11.75". 1999.

June's $50 Piece: SOLD
Ferry at Night, Culebra, Puerto Rico.

Watercolor on Paper. 9 x 12". 2001.

June's $100 Piece: SOLD (purchased after Monthly Sinfully Cheap offer, for full price)

Red and Gold Doll.

Fabric, Thread, Polymer Clay, Acrylic. 32" high. 2001.

Edition of 36: BabyGatheringThanksCollages

2009-05-31T18:15:00.010-04:00

For those who made happen, came to, or sent something for, the recent Baby Gathering, or in another way supported Baby: an edition of 36 Thank You collages created by Baby Daddy Donn Davis & Baby Mommy Halona Hilbertz. Shown in sequence, each collage is approximately 5.5"high x 8" (or 8"high x 5.5"). They will be mailed out tomorrow. Thanks, Everybody!

Zombies: Exchange between an Artist and a Musician

2009-05-27T15:36:00.006-04:00

Upon seeing my Glitter Zombies posted here, my brilliant musician friend Damon Ketron wrote that his upcoming album will be titled "Repel the Undead". I asked what Zombies signified to him. He wrote:

"Yeah the Undead for me with my next album "Repel the Undead" is like things you've wished you could've said or opportunities missed before you turned into a zombie, unfeeling, Not living now in the moment, the arrogance of thinking we'll be alive tomorrow and living a life of fear and being afraid to live now which is like dying twice. I don't know, lots of things, but mainly just being numb and not living I guess and repelling those thoughts and dead feelings."

Damon asked what Zombies represented to me. I wrote:

"The undead - zombie - that whole word / idea only came up when my brother saw the started paintings in my studio, which were a continuation of that drawing you aptly called "gestural"; and he called the painted creatures "zombies". The paintings are about a subjective feeling - about being "out of it", numbly unhappy, in a dull pain - feeling you have no control over your body, over what's happening - a mind / body disconnect.

Have been thinking I might be a total control freak without ever having realized it. Maybe that's a given for any active creative person, any artist/musician/writer. One of the hardest parts of being pregnant has been to not be in control of my body. Here I am, producing something I don't have any creative say in! Realized I like to use my body as a "tool" - derive energy from movement - go anywhere I please - dance - be flexible - know why I feel the way I feel, and change it if I don't like it. Having an "alien" in you that you cannot control - because this is a whole new being of its own outside of yourself, even though it's in you for the moment! - changes all your possibilities. And I felt the limiting aspect of that more than the miraculous one...so far.

So, the idea of the "zombie" didn't even come up til my bro mentioned it, and I liked the word, and juxtaposed the zombie with its glittering surroundings that it didn't feel part of...glitter: nyc, my creative active friends, an adventurous life."

SINFULLY CHEAP MAY

2009-05-01T17:53:00.014-04:00

May's $10 Piece:
Untitled (Women with Large Hands).

Pen on Paper. 8.5 x 11". 1997.

May's $50 Piece:

Boxer Doll.

Tinfoil, Acrylic, Silicone. 10.5" high. 1999.

May's $100 Piece:

Block.
Oil on Canvas. 10 x 8". 1997.